Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Effect of Your First Relationship: First Cut is the Deepest

     Your first major romantic relationship, regardless of how early or how late it occurs, has the power to change your love life forever.  It has the power to transform your view on love, the opposite sex, and the nature of relationships.  In many ways, it can "make you or break you."  Knowing this is not suppose to scare you from relationships if you are yet to begin one, but this knowledge can give an individual a better understanding of why they are the way that they are in a relationship, or why they are so fearful of a relationship.
     In life, the basis for reaching conclusions is comparison.  You may find yourself saying "My new girlfriend is great," but on what basis do you make this statement?  Be it that she possesses traits that your female friends lack, or that your friend's girlfriend lacks, the reasoning for this claim is based on comparison.  Unfortunately, the object of comparison in many relationships is the ex, in particular your first love.
     Your first love changes the way you see things from there onward.  The relationship you had, or the way your first love treated you, sets the standard for what you will expect in a relationship.  If your first relationship happens to have been a bad one, its unfortunate, but you are very likely to lower your standards for what you look for in a relationship.  In other instances, that relationship scar might scare you away from even attempting to start a new relationship.  For that reason, your first love will always be a part of you.
     We all know of that one friend who puts up with her boyfriend despite his cheating, abusive behavior, etc, and we have no clue as to why she does.  The answer is simple, she knows no better.  The way her first relationship went might have taught her that such occurrences will happen in every relationship, or at least every relationship that she is involved in, so she has grown to accept that.   She might cry about it every day yet fail to leave because it is imprinted in her mind, because of her first relationship, that things will never change.  This is a perfect example of a relationship lowering the level of expectation for future relationships.
     The impact of the damage that your first relationship can have on you is not limited to putting up with unnecessary baggage alone.  Your first relationship, in more ways than one, contribute the insecurities that you may develop and take into future relationships.  Let's go back to the example of the girl who puts up with her boyfriend cheating etc, if she' able to grow out of that relationship and move on to another, she might automatically begin to suspect that her current boyfriend cheats.  Simple actions, such as interacting with other females in a friendly manner, might strike the girl as a sign that her new boyfriend cheats, simply because those same signs that she once avoided could have led her to figure out that her ex cheated.  The root cause of such insecurities usually traces back to the first serious relationship that altered her views on relationships as a whole.
    Fortunately, not all relationships have bad outcomes.  Some of us are fortunate enough to be put in a situation where you almost have to pinch yourself every now and then to make sure that you are not dreaming because the relationship you are in is too good to be true.  Relationships like this higher your standards and make you extremely picky in the future (that's if, of course, this almost perfect relationship somehow comes to an end).  Being picky isn't a bad thing, it's a great thing in fact, because it shows that you  aren't willing to settle for anything but the best, or at least what you consider the best.  If you are currently in this position, you may want to thank your first love, because they most likely played a part in making you this way.  If you are not, whoever it may be is an ex for good reason.
    I'm not here to provoke you to contact an ex and blame them for making you the way you are in regards to relationships, I'm just here to provide a perspective that you may have never considered.  Giving your heart to someone, or committing to a relationship is a risky decision that we often find ourselves making. The effects, whether good or bad, are bound to change your outlook on relationships as a whole.  So ladies and gents, before you engage in any activity that can possibly scar your mate for the rest of their lives, think twice.  Appreciate them for giving you the power to do so, and reward them by being the reason why they settle for nothing but the absolute best that they deserve.

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  1. I disagree with a lot of points in this, mainly the definition of what a "bad" first relationship is. I had a terrible first relationship with a guy. He was so manipulative and completely took advantage of me. However, because of this, I steer clear of sleazy guys and make sure too not be too trusting or too nice. A bad first relationship like this can be a learning experience, whereas if you have an amazing first relationship, you expect all guys to be like this when they truly aren't.

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read this, regardless of your disagreement. In regards to the basis of your disagreement however, I never said that these theories apply to EVERY relationship. I mentioned that the occurrences listed have the power to impact a life in the negative ways listed; however I never assumed that this was an automatic occurrence.