The Power of Love

By: Kwame Awuah

There definitely isn’t a shortage in songs, quotes, articles, etc. on the internet about love.  The fact that there is so much written about it, that even the young and the old have a lot to say about it alone proves that the effect that love or being in love with a person can have on an individual cannot be denied. Whether it is a positive or negative effect depends on the people involved and their situation. I am not here to solve people’s relationship problems or say that by believing in love, everything will be okay; nor am I writing to clarify the difference between loving someone and being in love. I am definitely not writing to tell you who to love, how to love, and how to know you’re in love, as I believe those depend on each person and the circumstance. All I am writing about is the power of love and what it can do to a person.

           

             Love is an amazing feeling. It is actually critical for our mind and body and in my opinion may be just as important as oxygen. I do believe that love is the most powerful antidepressant there is in this world. When a person finds himself or herself in love with someone, his or her world changes completely. It’s that deep care that you start having for another person that you thought was never possible. It's when you wake up in the morning, this person is the first person you think about. Love is when you go about your day planning how you can make this person happier. It is when your day makes you feel miserable but hearing this person’s voice or seeing them just heals the wounds of the day. Love is when you can look at someone doing the silliest things and still think it is cute. It is when you feel your day isn’t complete when you haven’t heard from them all day. Love is when under the most difficult circumstances, you and her still make things possible. It is when you are texting her and you already know what her response is going to be and she already knows yours. Love is when you think something and she has already thought it. Love is when you wish you dream about them when you go to sleep because your dreams with her are better than reality. It is when wherever you are, wherever you go you wonder where you are in your relationship with her. Love is when you make up perfect scenarios in your head about your conversations, a possible future…

            Love is when you have known someone for years and never once had this feeling about him or her. But then one day it all changes. One day you just decide to let them know your sudden change in emotion about them. Love is when you tell them your feelings; you’re just holding your breath to hear that they feel the same about you. When she is having a bad day, you’re willing to put everything aside to make sure she is okay and goes to sleep with a smile. Love is when you are willing to wait however long you need to, to make that person a part of your life. For some of us, this all sounds cheesy and maybe a bit silly, but it is possible. That person may be far away or really close. We may see that person everyday or maybe we have never met this person. For some of us maybe this person disliked us from the beginning and they finally changed to love us back. That love that you get back from that person may be one of the better feelings in this world.

What is Love?

Love is blind, love is irrational

Love is when you care about another as much as you care about yourself

Love is commitment, love is an investment

Love is giving it your all in hopes of getting the same in return

Love is unconditional, love is persistent

Love is fighting through the ups and downs and never giving up

Love is sympathetic, love is unselfish

Love is willing to make sacrifices just to make your significant other happy

Love is patience, love is passion

Love is fondling even after a heated altercation

Love is honesty, love is trust

Love is assurance that your significant other has your best interest at heart

Love is comforting, love is relaxing

Love is reliance on another individual for emotional support

Love is beautiful, love is indescribable

Love is a feeling that can't be sufficiently expressed even with the use of "I love you" 

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Why Relationships Fail: 5 Reasons

Fairy-tale Beginnings, Nightmare Endings

A lot of people who are desperate to be loved, find themselves committing to a relationship once they come into contact with a person who does an unusual thing or two to sweep them off their feet.  Relationships like these are rushed into because the couple doesn't take the time to study one another and really find out if they are compatible for one another.  This is what I refer to as a fairy-tale beginning and a nightmare end.  It's a fairy-tale because the way you fall in "love" is so full of dream-like occurrences that you end up being blinded to reality.  When you do in fact come back to earth from this high, the reality setting reveals a multitude of problems that one could consider a nightmare. The Kim Kardashain 72 day marriage is a perfect example of a "love" that began with an fairy-tale yet ended with a nightmare because the couple barely even knew each other.

Lust vs. Love

A big reason why a lot of relationships are short-lived is the lust vs. love factor.  A lot of people find themselves committing to another individual in the form of a relationship simply due to a mutual physical attraction which is mistaken for love.  This physical attraction creates the delusion that there is some form of emotional connection which is worthy of a commitment, when in fact the only connection is in the sack.  In such relationships, the other basic needs of a healthy relationship are not catered to, which leads to dissatisfaction in every regards besides intimacy.   Cheating and a lack of commitment are usually the end results of such relationships, as certain voids are left unoccupied.  In other cases, the two individuals settle for being friends with benefits or simply "cutty buddies."

The Ex-Factor

As I had mentioned in "The Effect of Your First Relationship: First Cut is the Deepest" the ex has the power to ruin future relationships.  Besides the capability of the ex to lure you back into an unsuccessful relationship with lingering problems, the ex has the power to leave a scar on your expectations of a partner.  If your ex cheated, you might falsely expect your current partner to cheat.  If your ex broke your heart, you might find yourself having your guard up, etc.  The ex-factor is one that has the power to disrupt progress in any future relationships.  It is very important to keep your ex's in the rear-view in order to be able to move on in life.

Unsatisfied Needs

As human beings, we all have needs.  Sometimes, the desire to fulfill these needs serve as a major contributing factor to why we develop relationships in the first place.  Be it a need for communication, care, attention, or even sex, relationships tend to be the solution to most of these needs.  Unfortunately, when such needs aren't satisfied, or are no longer satisfied, individuals tend to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This search for fulfillment can sometimes lead to cheating, which ultimately leads to a break-up.   In other cases, this leads right to break-up, depending on how important this unsatisfied need is to the individual.  

Me vs. We

A relationship is meant to be a foundation built on togetherness and commitment to one another; unfortunately, many forget that a big part of a successful relationship revolves around giving up selfish needs for the betterment of the union.  This unwillingness to make sacrifices usually leads to the demise of a relationship.  Doing what is best for you is never a wrong thing, however if you truly value your relationship, doing what's best for the couple should be the priority.  When both individuals are too caught up in pursing what's best for themselves as opposed to what's best for the both as a whole, the relationship typically comes to an end.

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The Effect of Your First Relationship: First Cut is the Deepest

     Your first major romantic relationship, regardless of how early or how late it occurs, has the power to change your love life forever.  It has the power to transform your view on love, the opposite sex, and the nature of relationships.  In many ways, it can "make you or break you."  Knowing this is not suppose to scare you from relationships if you are yet to begin one, but this knowledge can give an individual a better understanding of why they are the way that they are in a relationship, or why they are so fearful of a relationship.
     In life, the basis for reaching conclusions is comparison.  You may find yourself saying "My new girlfriend is great," but on what basis do you make this statement?  Be it that she possesses traits that your female friends lack, or that your friend's girlfriend lacks, the reasoning for this claim is based on comparison.  Unfortunately, the object of comparison in many relationships is the ex, in particular your first love.
     Your first love changes the way you see things from there onward.  The relationship you had, or the way your first love treated you, sets the standard for what you will expect in a relationship.  If your first relationship happens to have been a bad one, its unfortunate, but you are very likely to lower your standards for what you look for in a relationship.  In other instances, that relationship scar might scare you away from even attempting to start a new relationship.  For that reason, your first love will always be a part of you.
     We all know of that one friend who puts up with her boyfriend despite his cheating, abusive behavior, etc, and we have no clue as to why she does.  The answer is simple, she knows no better.  The way her first relationship went might have taught her that such occurrences will happen in every relationship, or at least every relationship that she is involved in, so she has grown to accept that.   She might cry about it every day yet fail to leave because it is imprinted in her mind, because of her first relationship, that things will never change.  This is a perfect example of a relationship lowering the level of expectation for future relationships.
     The impact of the damage that your first relationship can have on you is not limited to putting up with unnecessary baggage alone.  Your first relationship, in more ways than one, contribute the insecurities that you may develop and take into future relationships.  Let's go back to the example of the girl who puts up with her boyfriend cheating etc, if she' able to grow out of that relationship and move on to another, she might automatically begin to suspect that her current boyfriend cheats.  Simple actions, such as interacting with other females in a friendly manner, might strike the girl as a sign that her new boyfriend cheats, simply because those same signs that she once avoided could have led her to figure out that her ex cheated.  The root cause of such insecurities usually traces back to the first serious relationship that altered her views on relationships as a whole.
    Fortunately, not all relationships have bad outcomes.  Some of us are fortunate enough to be put in a situation where you almost have to pinch yourself every now and then to make sure that you are not dreaming because the relationship you are in is too good to be true.  Relationships like this higher your standards and make you extremely picky in the future (that's if, of course, this almost perfect relationship somehow comes to an end).  Being picky isn't a bad thing, it's a great thing in fact, because it shows that you  aren't willing to settle for anything but the best, or at least what you consider the best.  If you are currently in this position, you may want to thank your first love, because they most likely played a part in making you this way.  If you are not, whoever it may be is an ex for good reason.
    I'm not here to provoke you to contact an ex and blame them for making you the way you are in regards to relationships, I'm just here to provide a perspective that you may have never considered.  Giving your heart to someone, or committing to a relationship is a risky decision that we often find ourselves making. The effects, whether good or bad, are bound to change your outlook on relationships as a whole.  So ladies and gents, before you engage in any activity that can possibly scar your mate for the rest of their lives, think twice.  Appreciate them for giving you the power to do so, and reward them by being the reason why they settle for nothing but the absolute best that they deserve.

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